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Friday, February 22, 2008
And he's an unoriginal pig. He has spent the last decade latching onto lame pop culture trends, hoping to cash in with crass knockoffs. He joined the lads-mag craze with a Maxim clone called Gene Simmons' Tongue, which lasted five issues. After boasting that he'd slept with thousands of women and would never get married because women just wanted his money, he signed on for an Osbornes clone "home life of aging rock star and his family" reality show. And now he's jumped on the ultimate 00s pop culture bandwagon with his own unauthorized celebrity sex tape. There's a website based in Panama where you can pay $10 to watch it, or you can scour the bittorrent sites where it's bound to show up for free, or you can watch three minutes of excerpts at Valleywag. Highlight: classy Gene doesn't even take his shoes or pants off for the quickie; he climbs onto the bed with his pants bunched around his ankles. Simmons' lawyers have sent cease-and-desist letters to assorted sites, arguing that the tape was made surreptitiously and illegally, that Simmons bought the copyright to the tape years ago, and that humorous use of Kiss face-painting imagery and "stylized printing" infringes the band's trademarks. Thursday, February 21, 2008
For Europe’s high society women, the obvious benefit of built-in contraception made castrati ideal targets for discreet affairs. Soon popular songs and pamphlets began suggesting that castration actually enhanced a man’s sexual performance, as the lack of sensation ensured extra endurance; stories spread of the castrati as considerate lovers, whose attention was entirely focused on the woman. As one groupie eagerly put it, the best of the singers enjoyed “a spirit in no wise dulled, and a growth of hair that differs not from other men.” When the most handsome castrato of all, Farinelli, visited London in 1734, a poem written by an anonymous female admirer derided local men as “Bragging Boasters” whose enthusiasm “expires too fast, While F-----lli stands it to the last.” Don't miss the mp3 of a 1902 recording of the last prominent castrato, Alessandro Moreschi.
Another classic from last fall: Use Of 'N-Word' May End Porn Star's Career. Thursday, February 7, 2008
It might harm their reputation, but Israel's air force is considering giving its combat pilots Viagra to improve their performance -- in the air. A recent study conducted by Israeli doctors among mountain climbers in Africa found a link between erectile dysfunction drugs and improved performance in high altitudes, the mass-selling Yediot Aharonot reported on Thursday. The active ingredient in the drugs was found to make climbers perform better in an environment with less oxygen, which causes fatigue and dizziness. The cynic in me suspects a Pfizer flack planted this story. Boner drug ads try to project an aura of virility, thus the retired sports celebrity spokesmen, but it's hard to top Israeli fighter pilots on that count. A "news report" that some world-class big swinging dicks are using your product would be great free publicity. (Or would the flacks fear losing the Muslim erectile dysfunction market to Cialis or Levitra?) Punning headlines from around the globe: Viagra renders fighter pilots a potent force . . . Israel Stiffens Defenses . . . Israel takes hard look at Viagra for fighter pilots . . . Springing Into The Sky Wednesday, February 6, 2008
Obsessively clicking through nearly identical stories at Google news finally led me to this local TV news report, from which I snapped this vidcap of the second seized poster:
Oh my god, undercleavage, call the cops! Tuesday, February 5, 2008
The City of Keizer is taking heat for installing a group of cement posts designed to protect pedestrians from cars, but which some say is a phallic symbol. A total of 52 of the posts were installed at a busy intersection in Keizer and they are getting a lot of second glances. A number of residents have complained to the city that the posts resemble male genitalia. OK, let's take a look.
Yep, those look like a bunch of stubby rock-hard penes. Fortunately for aggrieved Keizerians, the bureaucrats who bought and installed the posts have a solution. The city is looking into retrofitting the posts with metal collars and chains that run between them, which they hope will change the look. If not, they said the posts will have to go. Great idea — slip some cock rings on the giant penes, and everyone's happy.
"The marketing images in question show less skin than you see any summer day at the beach and certainly less than the plumber working in your kitchen," said Lennox in a prepared statement. "This is an incredible overreaction by local city officials that would be comical, except for its potentially serious legal implications." And my favorite free speech quote whore gets in the game: Was the police response to the store an overreaction? Yes, according to legal experts. Though local laws can vary, courts require that the image show sexual activity or a "lewd display" of genitals, says Lawrence Walters, an Orlando, Fla., lawyer and First Amendment specialist. "There is not a chance any jury in America would find the photo obscene under these standards," he said. Walters said police may have misread the standards for obscenity, as is often the case. He also said they improperly seized the posters without a search warrant, which constitutes prior restraint, which is barred by the Constitution. Several news outlets have reproduced the first poster, which shows a couple inches of boy buttcrack. I still haven't found an image of the second seized poster, which supposedly shows a single topless girl. This Telegraph story includes a topless girl image from the A&F website, but the story doesn't explicitly identify this image as the second seized poster, and it doesn't fit the Virginia Beach police description ("breast is displayed with her hand covering just the nipple portion"). Monday, February 4, 2008
Police, saying they were responding to citizen complaints, carted away two large promotional photographs from the Abercrombie & Fitch store in Lynnhaven Mall on Saturday and cited the manager on obscenity charges. Adam Bernstein, a police spokesman, said the seizure and the issuance of the summons came only after store management had not heeded warnings to remove the images. ]...] Bernstein said the summons for a Class One misdemeanor was issued to the manager because there is no legal way to issue a summons to a corporate entity in such circumstances. The manager was not arrested but faces a fine of up to $2,000 and as much as a year in jail, if convicted. And before you say, "But there not really gonna press charges against a retail clerk", remember Jesus Castillo. The mural-like black-and-white photographs were taken from the store at midafternoon. Bernstein confirmed that one depicts three shirtless young men from the back, walking through a field. The man in the lead appears to be about to pull up his jeans, which have slipped down enough to reveal his upper buttocks. Here's the offending photo.
Oh no, buttcrack, call the cops! The other image is of a woman who is topless and whose "breast is displayed with her hand covering just the nipple portion," Bernstein said. "You could still pretty much see the rest of the breast." Someone is facing jail time for working someplace where "you could still pretty much see the rest of the breast". Unbelievable. Newspaper reports haven't reproduced this photo, but it probably looks something like this past Abercrombie store poster.
Or maybe these:
More Abercrombie & Fitch "lifestyle" photos on display at their website. Elsewhere, some A&F dudes frolic in the locker room. Oddly enough, shower time was exactly like this where I went to college. Friday, February 1, 2008
In a notice filed on Friday, the agency said 52 television ABC stations in the Central and Mountain time zones had aired the scene at 9 p.m. in violation of federal restrictions against broadcasting "obscene material" between 6 a.m. and 10 p.m. The agency said it received "numerous complaints" about the scene, in which a young boy walks in on a nude woman about to take a shower. You can watch the offending scene at YouTube (but please, only after 10 pm). |
