Daze Reader

The Week in Craig

http://www.dazereader.com/24001018.htm My new obsession: the "Week in Craig" column archive at Animal New York (and earlier at The Black Table, though that site is often down). Merciless mockery of select craigslist personals, usually around a particular theme, for nearly four years. Fish in a barrel, sure, but what a glorious barrel.

One of the last installments dealt with a favorite craigslist cliche, "no drama".

Handsome stranger looking for a virgin to deflower - m4w - 28 (East Village)
I am Dracula, you are the girl who just wants to be taken. I will come over now, find you lying naked on your bed, I kiss and touch you all over your body. My lips fall on yours, my clothes slide off. I move on top of you, you want this now. I move inside you. Slowly. I take your virginity. No drama, just excitement and fullfillment and an open door to your new sex life.

I am tall, handsome, trim, white and ready to do this for you now.

No, no sir, I’m not interested in drama at all. I’m just a virgin who happens to want Count Dracula to come over to do some ghetto yoga with me. Nope, no drama here. AT ALL.

Also worth reading: 2004 Gothamist interview with Amy Blair.

Jesus, you've immersed yourself in Craigslist's polluted, disheartening content for so long now, how do you wash the stink off of you after a hard day's work perusing those boards?

Like George Thorogood said: One bourbon, one shot, and one beer.

With all due respect to John Lee Hooker, she's my kind of woman.

 

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