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Turn On aphrodisiac soda
A new company is taking the concept a logical step further: add another ingredient, give it a sex angle, double the price again. 'Banned' Aphrodisiac Soda To Be Sold In Stores. This shocking Florida TV news exposé includes a slideshow with pictures of the can from multiple angles.
Different news stories list different ingredients. Local6 reports:
The drink, called Turn On, is made with guarana, ginseng and caffeine. The soda was banned in France and Denmark, but makers insist it is safe and works as an aphrodisiac. People who have tested the soda said it tastes like cherry soda. Many energy drinks contain these ingredients. Guarana is similar to caffeine and may have aphrodisiacal qualities. A Boston Herald story, headlined "Soda claims to put more pop in sex life", says: The key ingredient in the soda is schizandra, a small red fruit found in China that has been a medicine, aphrodisiac, stimulant and energizer there for centuries. “Most people only have to drink one to experience a wonderful effect,” says [company president Howard] Hersh. Schizandra is certainly a cool-sounding name for an herb. According to herbal medicine sites, it's an aphrodisiac and so much more. It nourishes sexual fluids, calms the heart, quiets the spirit, beautifies the skin, helps the body resist infection; works as a kidney tonic and lung astringent; treats coughs, night sweats, insomnia, thirst, headaches, dizziness, palpitations, exhaustion; eases stress and nourishes the nervous system; prevents liver damage, regenerates liver tissue damaged by hepatitis and alcohol; quickens reflexes; helps control anger; boosts cognitive function and memory; prevents eye fatigue and increases visual acuity; helps in digestion, regulating gastric acid release; reverses depression; improves work performance, builds strength, reduces fatigue; helps the body better utilize oxygen, thereby improving human endurance; works as a mild sedative; improves coordination and concentration. Well fuck me, I got hard just typing all that. Schizandra is clearly a wonder drug! But couldn't one get the same effect just chewing a couple berries, popping a multivitamin, and washing it down with a diet Coke? UPDATE: A dazed reader asks, "How long til the penis enlargement soda hits the market?"
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The "energy drink" craze is an amazing scam. Take a can of Grape Crush or Mountain Dew, double the caffeine, mix in a couple cents worth of vitamins, and quadruple the price. Wish I'd thought of that.
